Members comments:

= sugestie.
Adriana Lisandru
[10.Feb.08 00:26]
as reformula versul 3 din prima strofa:
"aici doar pasesc ca stapan" - rezolvi astfel problema de metrica, evitatnd totodata acea alaturate sonora deranjanta.

in rest - idea simplissima, rimele facile. plus lipsa diacriticelor.

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= sugestie.	Adriana Lisandru [10.Feb.08 00:26]
as reformula versul 3 din prima strofa: "aici doar pasesc ca stapan" - rezolvi astfel problema de metrica, evitatnd totodata acea alaturate sonora deranjanta. in rest - idea simplissima, rimele facile. plus lipsa diacriticelor.