| = vampires | Marius Surleac [17.Jun.09 16:31] |
| Diana, a nice poem you wrote here, it has all: imagery, good construction, a bit of mystery, very visual. But ... I would try to change "crystal rain" - sounds a bit like a cliche and the next phrase "like princesses kiss their lovers in a midnight passion" - sounds too sweet and looks like doesn't fit too well in the aesthetics of your poem. Anyhow, a nice one! Cheers, Marius | |
| = right | Diana Todea [17.Jun.09 17:52] |
| yes, I guess you're right. I'll modify the verses. I'm glad you liked it and thanks for sharing some lines. Cheers, Diana. | |
| + good one | Marius Surleac [17.Jun.09 19:58] |
| Now looks better and I think it deserves a shiny spot. I also like the increase in the magnitude of senses and the subtle sounds. Reading it, took me to the Twilight film. Good | |
| = cool | Diana Todea [17.Jun.09 20:20] |
| Thanks for the shiny star. I am pleased you sensed the emotion of the poem. Cheers! | |
| = Diana | Constantin Delca [18.Jun.09 13:38] |
| A good poem centered around an old symbol of Romanticism.The visual effect manages to divert the reader's attention from the inevitable cliches connected to it. Congratulations! | |
| = hardly the case | Veronica Valeanu [18.Jun.09 14:56] |
| Diana here i searched at least for an under-feeling of predestination /or being doomed /or being superposed on a doomed destiny, but unfortunately there is a shortage of them. i am saying that because there is no specific attitude towards the message you wanted to convey. the attitude was waning from the very beginning and remains benumbed. the unreal remains as unreal as in the moment the idea of it was still a seed in your mind, it doesn't take a certain shape - this rigid element doesn't help your poem. my opinion is there is hardly a case for a star. V.V. | |
| = my opinion | Marius Surleac [18.Jun.09 15:16] |
| Ok Veronica, but as you know very well this star came from my subjectivity regarding this poem. Different poems from different authors can gather different opinions from different readers. I don't find too relevant your opinion against the fact that I hanged here a star. This is exactly what I don't want to take birth on the English page - otherwise it will be transformed as on the Romanian page, a place where everybody hits everybody. | |
| = add | Marius Surleac [18.Jun.09 15:23] |
| and more than that: do we really focus on who takes a star and who doesn't, a virtual star that represents the fact that someone liked the poem? sorry for the intervention Diana. | |
| = . | Laurenţiu Ion [18.Jun.09 15:43] |
| as we know, opinions are different/ reasons are different marius had his reasons to appreciate this poem veronica had her reasons to attack this poem/ or marius's decision it's very important to know what we want from a text/ what we want to read and from here, the subjectivity is ur guide! | |
| = * er | Laurenţiu Ion [18.Jun.09 15:49] |
| our guide | |
| = much ado about nothing | Diana Todea [18.Jun.09 16:11] |
| Well of course is the case of subjectivity, otherwise we should complain every time a person gets a star when there is no obvious reason for it. I really hope my case is obvious. Anyway to answer to you, Veronica, it depends on your artistic perspective when you judge a poem, the experience you gathered reading poems, the fluency in the English language, the author's personal style etc. There are many factors to link our consideration of a poem with the quality a poem should have. Your explanation above really didn't clarify much of your hopes on this poem, but I take it for granted you don't like it. It's a matter of taste, as Kant says. All the best to everybody and I make an invitation to all of you to read more good literature. Cheers! | |
| = ... | Veronica Valeanu [18.Jun.09 16:14] |
| that comm was meant for Diana, i was trying to make her understand that she'd better concentrate on the message of her poem (quite weak)- only a half of emotion- to raise up to the expectations. that's why i gave her some clues. it was not an attack but i have the right to disagree or agree with what has been said before because i have the impression that a star is born from the sparkle of the message that guides along. all this discussion will surely help Diana to motivate herself and improve. thank you for understanding | |
| = improve?! | Diana Todea [18.Jun.09 18:54] |
| ok, I get it Veronica. I replied to you and maybe you haven't read my other poems. This poem describes an emotion and a feeling, I didn't want to focus on a message. I have other poems with a message. Cheers! | |