| = som suggestions regarding rhythm | Maria Schuler [01.Jan.05 02:27] |
| The poem is cute. Although there are more than one spelling mistakes (ie: in the first line of the second stanza there's the pronoun "you" spelled "u", then the word "rhime" is spelled correctly "rhyme") or typos which have gone-I do not understand how-unnoticed by the editors, I would like to make only one suggestion regarding metric pattern or the rhythm of the poem. In the last line of the second stanza I suggest you write "That tomorrow you'll be mine", in order to be one syllable short (and thus have only 7) like in the first line of the second stanza. I hope my remarks did not seem at all unappropriate and that they were helpful. Maria | |
| = Slightly even | Joshua Vasquez Butawan [19.May.05 15:19] |
| For me I don't care even if there is a rhyme or not, for me the most important thing on the poem is its elements and its contains, neiter it is interesting or very cathching. i bet one is just even for my own chice, (Just my own idea) | |