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The story of a life
personals [ Thoughts ]
Man as a thinker...

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by [Hellmunky ]

2004-12-07  |     | 



In all ways possible, I must choose life. I need to live in order to feel, I need love so I can find my place of coexisting with myself. I need a way not to need.
All good and bad in life are just pleasurable when you have them. I have it, you have it, your neighbor has it. All of us have the same thing. Life.
Why are we sorry about the ones we lose? Why are we sorry for the ones that die? If I think at it well, those people don’t have anything to fear anymore, because they lost their engine, life.
As we are born, we are genetically inheriting everything our creators were. Feelings, hopes, strength, and everything nice.
As time goes by, we begin to think. Because of some mistake someone did before us, we use our most valuable “asset”. Brain. As we start using that, all comes to perdition. All our bests and everything we were. Trying to evolve is not the option. We must all get back to our only place in which we are safe.
Starting to think, man realized what he was, and as soon as that happened he came to the conclusion that he is superior, he is better than the ones that choose the safe way. That was his bad move. Doing that turned him into something else, something that is abnormal, something wrong for the ones that live in darkness.
Thinking, the man realized that he can fool the fools by trying to be like them, like pretending to exist in the society, because he found out that if he continues evolving that fast he will find out that he is alone, not having no one to share his thoughts with. He went back, with his state of evolution, and played the biggest theatrical play he ever did. Blending.
He was smart enough to do so, because to had his big brain, that allowed him to create a lesser self for the masses. He stood there, and he was happy. He had the ability to think between the non thinkers. It was fun.
Being the one that was superior, and no one knowing that he is so by hating the old way of life, he decided to go further and further, to see how good he is at the game he plays. He was self sufficient.
A he grew and grew, and while he was interacting with his so called big family, he found out what kept them there. The thing that made the happy. Vice.
Vice was hard for him to comprehend at the time, because he did not consider that to be necessary, he thought that it, the vice, was wrong. So he chose not to experiment that. Smart.
But, in time, as his game grew more complicated, he began to learn the old ways, by just ignoring them. He was subject to illness.
Good! He was better. He evolved another self that he was projecting everywhere he was. But was he that good? Was he strong enough to keep that new self in the place it was meant to stay? No.
He had a new “quality”, curiosity. The things that he hated were now things that he wanted to try. He was seeing all the happy people around him that were enjoying the less they had, and he wanted a piece of that. He had the power to take that, he had the power to do everything, he was supreme.
He thought his way was better, and for a quarter of his estimated life he chose to bypass his new urge. But at a point in Life, he said: ”I have the power to fight anything that these fouls don’t, I have the power to do everything and not lose my way, I will do it!”. And so we did.
He started low profile at first. He thought that if he does the lesser things first, he will learn how to fight them if things get out of hand. And he started smoking. It was something bad for him, and he knew it, but he saw that people around him enjoy it, and don’t feel bad about it. It was a way of life he could embrace without being noticed. But it was the first to get him low. Vice.
As vice started to get over him, and get useless, as he had lost his curiosity, he started to think: “I’m me, it didn’t change me, it’s just another way to improve my life by getting more information. I want to get to the bottom of this, I want more.”
The vice chain is well known by everyone, so I don’t really have to explain everything. I don’t need to tell you about the other stuff that make you “happy”. I want to show you what was the barrier that the supreme being could not solve as he did with the other ones.
Man, the physical man, is nothing more than an animal. He is what the being before him did wrong. He created a way in which the creations can interact. He created a bridge that could make humans, because we’re talking about humans, interact with themselves. God is a supreme being, and guess what? He’s laughing his ass off right now. He like the game he created. He likes the people using the “gift” he encrypted in their code. He is happy.
Love. Love is the only way in which, people can go further in knowing their kind. Love is the way we are still God’s way of amusement. Love is all to us.
One day, as the man got bored of all his little toys, his vices, he decided to try this new thing everyone was doing, Love. “I can make it, and by the sounds these fools make, it might even be enjoyable. I will have it, and I will put it to my list. My game will be complete.”
He was young. The man wanted the game so bad, he chose the a way that he didn’t master. The way in which he leaves everything, and dedicates to something in which he isn’t supreme, but brand new. I don’t know if you get this, but if you do you will understand why I try to make this explanation.
He began by studying love. Him, this better being, was now at point zero with something complex. He was new to something that was as old as the world he lives in.
He looked at his x hand creators, his parents. Well, at that point, he found out that those people weren’t in love, but in need. They needed stuff, so they chose the way of love.
That wasn’t good, so he decided that is not where he should look. Then, he started studying his companions, his friends. He saw something interesting. Fools can interact at a level that was supposed to be the highest level. How can that be? How does it work? He needed to know…
He aimed high, and something that was that high was another being that made what he wanted a habit. Not tough to have, because she was giving enough. He took the opportunity and introduced to her in the most stupid and inferior way. But it worked. As a human, he was physically evolved to attract her. He used that, and a little bit of insanity.
He got what he wanted, and he was happy. But as time passed he realized that the person standing next to him might be evolved enough to be like him, and he tried to make her evolve, he tried to make a better person with which he could finally share his experience. He was mistaking.
It is known that some animals don’t have the ability to exist in conditions that they are not physically adapted to, like taking a fish out of his tank and placing him on the ground expecting him to walk.
It happens to humans as well, because if you are too new to someone, that someone will begin by wanting to go back to the “tank” in which they could breathe.
That happened to our subject as well, well not to him, but the person he tried to improve. She was fascinated, she was amazed, she was lost.
Her ways, the ones that built her character, were not valid anymore. They were rejecting all she took as real, all this new world was something that denied her old world.
As he continued to “improve” her, she learned the gift of learning.
He was very happy! He was showing someone the right way for the first time, his efforts weren’t useless. She was learning… She began to think.
Thinking… Well thinking got her realize everything. His way was the right way. He was superior and she was superior as him. She was an equal.
But what he didn’t realize was that she was so good at thinking and adapting to the new way, that she figured out something awful. The worst thing that she could ever think. The fact that she was superior, but superior at his side.
She then knew that if she continues to be smarter and smarter she will end up being smarter with him. Only them, no one will be there next to them. Alone with company.
Alone, taken away from the things she liked, for superiority. For love.

If Noah didn’t build the ship, mistakes could be all fixed now. God knew what he did wrong. And he tried, over and over to fix his bugs by choosing new methods. After a while he thought: “What if I wipe out everyone, and keep only the good ones? Maybe there is still hope, maybe they will learn by saving the best. They have to follow this new gene code I designed.” He was wrong.
As he continued with his plan, everything was peachy. All was but not perfect. All was good. His superiority proved to be useful.
But what he didn’t see was that human aren’t stupid, and their code is perfect. They have bugs in masses, and that was the thing God missed. Interactivity. Curiosity. Patience.
All of that being said you now understand my goal.
God gave us the ability to change lives, and so we did. We changed our lives so much that we turned better, but as foolish as the old ones, the ones that were wiped out. He liked the fact that we will someday grow up to be so good that we will stand by his side, he wanted someone with whom to share His thoughts. So he was patient. He waited.

The man was there, feeling like something no drug could provide. The real thing, the happiness came from his creation, from his work, his love. All efforts we’re successful, therefore the shield wasn’t necessary anymore. He got what he wanted, and what he wanted shared his point of view. All but perfect.
Now, it came to something he heard and seen before, sex. He learned that the thing called sex is the next way in which he can proceed in love. Sex was something new, something mechanical, something that he could make an improvement to himself in a way.
Just before he tried approaching it, she got cold. She was finally expressing her new found feeling of losing. Losing her stability.
He then saw what was happening to all the other lovers around him. He saw a new feeling squeezing into his life. Pain.
He ignored it at first, thinking that the new feeling was just an exaggeration of the new things he learned. He was more similar to the old humans than he wanted to think.
He getting normalized. He was going through doors he shouldn’t have opened. He discovered loss.

God was happy, God was happy with his choice. Everything was going after plan. The humans were finally thinking. The humans were finally what he wanted. But as time passed, and people got better and better, he saw that they are turning away from him. They evolved so much that they thought that they were superior enough not to need God anymore. They were resenting God’s ways. God was feeling like one of his first lifeless creations, blue. He felt disappointed, he was feeling like the sky. People chose to look the other way.

She was going to say something that could make her feel like the worst being on earth. She wanted him gone, and her own lifestyle back, because she was scared. She got scared of being alone with company. She thought: “He is only one, I will soon be so good that I will get bored with him, and then it would be so hard to go back to my ways because by that time I will forget how I lived since the moment I met him. I must act now!”
So she did. She chose the most cowardly way to say it. Through technology. Man’s extension to his loneliness. She made the final statement by thinking that won’t make her hurt so much. As she needed her old ways, she attached to the new ways as well. And believe it or not, she did like what she learned, thus being hard for her to be straight. To make the statement in person. To make it worth.

After a long wait, the man was wondering about what he had made. He was thinking about his mistake, he was thinking: “What if I was wrong?”

God didn’t think of that. God lost and will lose everything.

Lost, and troubled, man chose to use the vices he learned on the way here. To use them so he could forget. To use death. He got back to his sanity after a while, a long and painful process, but he managed. He saw himself faced with the old self, the one before. The one with the shield up. He swore not to love anymore, he swore on his life.
Curiosity. “What if that someone is still there? Maybe I was wrong, maybe there is someone better in this world, maybe I can find something that will finally explain love.”
The final step was completed. She thought him something for a change. She thought him love.
He continued doing the same steps over and over again. Until something changed. He was at peace with everything. He understood life as we know it. He got to the point in which he was as close to God as he could get.
He was dieing.

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