Arundhati checked her fingernails. They were dirty. “Oh I can’t trim them now…” she sighed and started opening the buttons of her night gown. She turned her face lazily towards the bed.

Nandan didn’t come yesterday night also…oh this is becoming a routine now, why he is always staying out for such long time with his stupid friends? She asked herself this question as many times as she could and never found an answer. May be Nandan is more comfortable in his friends company. While walking towards the bathroom, she looked at the painted glass window. For light it wasn’t so easy to sneak inside through those pieces all painted and arranged in a beautiful manner.

Arundhati smiled, without a reason and forgot her towel as usual.
-----------------------------
While picking up the mouse pad from the floor her face blushed, and without a warning her eyes moved towards the small and almost cute computer on the desk. She blushed again and again, then carefully placed the mouse pad on the desk and started dressing.
-----------------------------
She always loved walking. She felt, air communicated with her best. Those children by the water tap side always made her smile, so naughty they are…and their mother was shouting and screaming at them, why cant this women understand? She opened her umbrella; it was new, with some curious looking flowers printed on the cloth. Her heart started rejoicing like a small child.

I can’t walk anymore…Suzanne sat by the long concrete half wall and panted. She was on her seventh month of pregnancy. Arundhati sat by her and smiled.
Doctor asked you to walk…then…?

Yes…panting Suzanne added…but that bitch doesn’t know it’s not her but I am the one who has to walk…
A faint laugher ran through Arundhati’s lips, as with lot of hesitation Suzanne helped herself to stand up and walk.

Till the beach side Arundhati was listening to Suzanne’s wailing, sometimes she used to think whether Suzanne do anything other than complaining? Suzanne has complaints about almost everything living and dead. It was a fine evening. Suzanne was picked up by her husband. Arundhati never liked that person; he was fat and reminded her of the green frogs from small pool by her village home.

Bus was overcrowded, while hanging on the bar, she tried to think. Why do I love to travel by bus, while I can afford a scooter or car? She tried to hide the secret smile appearing on her lips as pair of shivering fingers started caressing her rich buttocks. She relaxed and arranged herself for further submission. She answered her own question of why she loves traveling by bus with her own answer. By the time, those fingers which were just touching and shivering on her body dared to touch her inner thighs, her stop came. While alighting from the bus, she turned her face and looked at that person; it was a boy, not more than of nineteen years. He suddenly turned his face away from her stare. Arundhati laughed almost aloud till her flat. Lift made lot of noises as it carried her to the seventh floor. She was alone inside it and as it was climbing the floors she looked on the gloomy mirror fixed on the wall. She noticed a black layer forming around her eyes. I must sleep early today. She decided. As soon as she came out from the lift power went off. She tried to find her room keys inside the small shoulder bag she was carrying, and Nandan’s broken voice came from inside.
“Door is open…”

She always loved the smell of Nandan; he smelled a mixture of cheap whisky, cheap cigarettes and day long walks. As her fingers were running through his rather narrow chest, he reached for another cigarette. Nandan hold her further close and she felt the warmth of his right hand fingers on her bare shoulders. Arundhati was happy, without reasons.
”Do you have anything to drink?”
Blowing the smoke through his nostrils he asked her casually. He liked asking her this question though he was sure about the answer. He got up from the bed and walked towards the cupboard, inserted his long arm deep inside the pile of clothes and took out a bottle of liquor, which was consumed almost half.
“You can’t stop drinking?”
While pouring the drink into two glasses Nandan asked.
Arundhati was sure that he was certain of his question & the never given answers. It was not the first time he asked the question without expecting an answer. While Nandan was walking back to bed, naked, Arundhati noticed how pale and weak he was looking.
Once the glasses become empty Nandan moved himself between her spread legs. Arundhati loved the way he hurt her with his needs…she just loved it.
She lay still while Nandan closed the door behind him and left. Arundhati stared at the painted glass window. They brought dim light from the street. After almost one hour she got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. Power was back by the time. She took a shower.
--------------------------
Her mobile was small and beautiful. As she was warming some chilled vegetable curry, it started singing, she ran towards it.
So husky voice he has…Arundhati answered his hellos, and walked back to the kitchen.
As usual he was telling her how hooked up he is with some appointments and when he could login to Internet to talk to her. She listened to that voice, it was like a soothing song, his accent was really good, and the flow of language, infrequent laughers always made her smile while talking to him.
------------------------
“Your hair is graying…” her mother told her with a sigh while moving the brush through her uneven hair. Arundhati decided not to respond. She knew if she responds it will take her to another argument with her mother. She kept her eyes closed and tried to feel the comb against the scalp of her head.
“You should use the kacchenna* minimum few times Anu…” her mother was only talking. Arundhati fixed her eyes on the fields spread after the shallow channel made just after the yard.

“It seems this year rain won’t trouble us before the reaping icchecchi*…” laboriously kneeling on her eighth month pregnancy her younger sister whispered. Arundhati wondered how this girl could take the pain of deliveries so frequent. She already had two kids.
“I will go back day after tomorrow…” breaking a tender leaf from the cloves tree Arundhati said without expecting a comment.
“Icchecchi…few times I really hope to be like you…” her younger sister smiled talking. Her forehead was wet with perspiration.
“But I was never good as you in studies…”
Arundhati smiled, “nobody was”
“Icchecchi* do you know how beautiful you look while smiling?” her sister asked. Arundhati curiously looked at the young girl and tried to analyze the appearance of her. Does she look much elder than me?
Yes she does.
----------------------------
“How long you will be gone” Arundhati tried to differentiate the taste of her favorite Uduppi* masala dosa* it taste disappointing today? Or it is the bad taste she was feeling in her mouth ever since the news Nandan broke in the afternoon about leaving for kolkatta?
“I am not certain, nor sure Arundhati” Nandan was almost tearing the paper thick masala dosa in front of him with a savage equaled appetite.
“They want me to continue the studies abandoned by their earlier team…they are offering a good salary also…” he talked as he was gulping yellow colored potatoes. For no reasons Arundhati hated the ugly yellow mixing inside mouth with his tobacco stained teeth. She felt she will vomit incase if he again opens his mouth.
------------------------------
“You were crazy and always will be crazy…stupid bitch” Suzanne was more than upset this time. Arundhati couldn’t suppress her overwhelming giggles.
“twenty thousand rupees…oh GOD twenty thousand rupees for that worthless nut head…you better go and consult some psychiatrist…” wiping her wet face with the back of had Suzanne uttered as if she was so certain of what she was talking.

Nandan needed money to go to kolkatta. He always took money from her, this time also. It was almost eight days since Nandan left for Kolkatta. Arundhati looked at her fingernails. They were long again, but she didn’t feel like trimming them. She felt lazy and the old gatekeeper is yet to knock her door. Arundhati had built up a silent understanding with him. He never stared at her, never talked a word more than what was necessary and never returned the changes he was left with after buying her another bottle of whiskey.

She was not much surprised to find the bottle of whiskey left on her sitting room tea table. She was sure that while she was in the shower the gatekeeper came back, left the bottle on the table and silently left.
It was by her second drink he logged in.
“Hey there…” his words were appearing on the screen.
“Hello…” she felt the curtain of gloominess she was feeling was suddenly gone. Her eyes started shining against the light emitted from the monitor of her computer.
“You know what…?” she was sure now his fingers will almost choke his keyboard with furious typing. He sounds another fight with this “EDIOT” senior, or he must have had one of his girlfriends again “cheating” on him.
“What..?” Arundhati took the final gulp of her drink and paid all her attention on her typing.
“Actually nothing important, I’ve met my ex wife”
“Oh…how is she?”
“Don’t know…just saw her, from a distance…give me a minute” and he was gone for next many minutes.
“Are you there…?” minutes after he typed himself in into her monitor with these familiar words.
“Are you hurt or sad?” Arundhati typed.
“Huh sad for what, I ain’t” but Arundhati was sure he wasn’t really happy about it.
“Turn on your cam” he lacked manners, but Arundhati hardly ever cared.
-------------------------------
Arundhati felt tired and sleepy the whole day at work. She was immersed in a pleasant laziness. She cancelled two meetings; she postponed a major assignment for another day & ignored the not so pleasant face of her immediate officer. She even smiled thinking how frustrated he must be feeling.
Suzanne was on a day’s off for medical tests. So Arundhati had to walk towards the beach alone after a long time. She stopped few minutes buy a handful of peanuts. She sat on the half wall for few minutes time and then hurried back to her place.

Suzanne’s eyes almost bulged out of their socket as Arundhati shared her secret with her. There were moments of disbelief then a sort of expression Arundhati failed to read.
Finally she sigh long and said “Arundhati, I repeat you must consult a psychiatrist the earliest”

Suzanne was silent unusually while they were walking towards their usual destination. But Arundhati could feel Suzanne’s eye infrequently stealing a stare at her.
“You never thought of a… a” she stopped in the midway
“No Suzanne…my womb cannot produce children…” though not intentional Arundhati noticed her right arm immediately touching her abdomen as she answered.
“What if he doesn’t want you…there will be men with your…I mean…you know what I meant…” Suzanne confused herself by trying to choose words
Awkwardly there was a silence born between them for next few minutes.
“This is my life Suzanne, and I am happy with it” Arundhati noticed the approaching Vespa scooter and the figure so familiar on the back of it. Suzanne's husband presented her his innocent smile as Suzanne climbed to the back of his scooter.
“Drop in at our place sometimes” though Arundhati never liked him, she noticed his eyes were innocent and they didn’t move to her rest of the body as he smiled and talked.
“Sure…” Arundhati replied.
As the scooter started melting away from her sight, she said “…sometime”
---------------------------
How long you will be here?
Arundhati tried her level best not to stare him continuously, but the more she tried not to, the more she did and she was sure that Dhattan noticed it too.
Two days…Arvi is too troublesome
Arundhati smiled.
Though they were separated from two years, Dhattan always visited her. He wanted a child which Arundhati failed in three years. Dozens of medical examinations proved that Arundhati cannot become a mother, and two signatures on few yellow and ugly white papers separated them, legally.
You are not taking care of yourself Dhatta… Arundhati said it with a tone of accusing.
Dhattan tried to smile, and in his eyes she saw a moment’s all kind of suffocation.

Aruna…after few minutes of silence Dhattan cleared his throat many times and managed to call her by that long forgotten name.
You haven’t decided yet?
I did Dhattan and my answer is no…you don’t want me back in your life…all you need is a maid who can take care of your arvi
Dhattan’s face become pale like an abandoned Kleenex sheet after a dozen facial wiping.
His fingers trembled uncontrollably on the table and Arundhati noticed the tak tak sound his huge marriage ring generated as his fingers shivered against the marble top of the restaurant table.

Arundhati walked all the way back to home. After the shower as she was helping herself a drink her mobile phone started screaming a new English song which she set as ring tone.
It was Nandan
He sounded excited. He was talking without breaks. He informed her about his possible dropping in during the forth week. He asked her to wait for a surprise & then his line went off
Arundhati remembered he forgot to ask her how she was doing
She switched on her computer and waited for MSN messenger to start.
-------------------------------
“You look divine”
Slowly patting the sweating forehead of Suzanne Arundhati whispered. Suzanne smiled laboriously. Her face clearly shown the pain she was swallowing.
Arundhati felt lonely all of a sudden as she started walking towards her flat after paying the auto rickshaw. Various smells of food being cooked from the nearest homes and the screams of children who are asked to be inside home and few whistles, suggestive glares…she felt everything so used to and she felt all of tired to bone as soon as she opened the door.
She slept without changing her clothes and without taking a shower. All she remembered the other day morning was she managed to switch off her cell phone before sleeping. As soon as she switched it on there were couple of short messages and one voice message. She dialed the voice message centre number and as she expected it was a call from him. Repeatedly he was asking whether there is anything wrong. His messages also asked the same.
Arundhati carelessly put the cell phone in the bed and forgetting the towel again entered the bathroom.
----------------------------
It was the same potti hotel. Nandan’s appearance has changed, almost shocking Arundhati’s expectations. His beard was gone and did his moustache also. Arundhati tried to remember how the thick hair of his moustache used to arouse her skin…
She hated the still remaining manner less attitude towards food of Nandan. He always leaped towards food as if somebody else is going to snatch it away from him, if he doesn’t finish it in few minutes time.
Nandan sipped the tea making loads of noises. Arundhati waited patiently till he finished, moved the cup to a side of the table and lighted a cigarette. She noticed it was some foreign brand.
Without talking Nandan put his hand inside the shoulder bag he was carrying and took out a bundle of currencies. He counted them again, and pushed the bundle towards Arundhati.
“Count it Arundhati…” carrying an unmatchable excitement and pride in his eyes he ordered.
Though Arundhati did want to hide, an ironic smile appeared and disappeared on her lips. She took the bundle and carelessly put it inside her bag.
“So..?” she looked at him quizzically
“Its just wonderful Arundhati…err, I must say something more than I have ever expected…they just don’t want to relieve me even for few days time”
“I told them I want to go, and I came” now she noticed his sound becoming annoyingly filled with over confidence. He finished his cigarette and reached for another one.
“You know what? They can’t just do it without me…” he laughed loud
“Indeed” Arundhati said and Nandan missed the irony because she succeeded to hide it.

“So you decided to get married?” Arundhati looked at the postcard size photograph Nandan pushed towards her. It displayed a slim whitish female in her early 20s.
“I don’t know…she likes me, and as you know I don’t have any strings connecting me to anywhere and nobody to consult with…” he relaxed himself back to the frame of cement restaurant bench.
-------------------------------
The smell of burning flesh was not pleasant. Arundhati tried to cover her nostrils many times. There were not many things they could do to save the life of her mother. By the time they found her almost turned into blue, she was dead.
Long arguments about the type and name of the snake which bit her mother progressed where local men were gathered. They smoked beedi, cigarette and spat pan all around them. Those ones who never had the luxury of “chappals” turned their faces towards those who they considered as wetting the entire area with their viscous pan spits, accusing with their eyes “You senseless manner less morons”, rubbed their feet against the heap of sand or nearest anything which they thought of getting rid of the spit and moved on.
Arundhati held her younger sister who was weeping miserably. She was hardly feeling anything. She wished few times that she can join her sister and start weeping as blaming eyes of gathered women reached her frequently. She even tried, but as her trails failed miserably and consequently she stopped.

It was the sixth day her elder brother decided to talk. The room was closed and was only for the family. Children were driven out to avoid eve droppings
With the position of “eldest” member of the family which consisted of two brothers and sisters, her elder brother cleared his throat few times before starting his speech.
All eyes were fixed on Arundhati. They all knew for what and why they were gathered there. Mother is dead and gone for good. Remaining is the property which spread into many acres of paddy fields and some useless muddy land. Arundhati clearly knew how many times her brothers fooled around her mother and convinced her to give them money on the behalf of their shares in the whole property.
As there were nothing much to talk about the properties her elder brother started another topic. This time Arundhati was the main subject.
Without looking at her many times he asked “What are your intentions?”
“Intentions about?” Arundhati returned a question
Her brother suffocated himself for a minute time and then slowly said
“I have met Dhattan’s father few days back…he said you rejected Dhattan’s…”
Before he completed Arundhati rose from her seat and said confirmatively “Yes I did. I did because he doesn’t need me back, but an ayah for his son”
“What’s wrong with it? You can’t…” Arundhati recognized the voice as her elder brother’s wife’s.
She turned her face towards the origin of the voice and looked at her questioningly
“Anyway you cannot become a mother…then what is wrong…I mean…” without having much guts to face Arundhati’s piercing eyes that woman lowered her face and her sound also.
Arundhati smiled for a second, then walked towards the door, opened it and joined the children who were playing by the verandah.
--------------------------------
“Absolutely nothing to worry” washing her hands by the nearby basin inside the “women’s only” checking room Dr. Fatma assured Arundhati.
“Just a usual kind of skin infection, nothing to worry…I will prescribe you some ointment and few doze to take” as she turned towards the door which lead them outside the checking room.

Dr. Fatma was busy for next few minutes. She checked through the cupboards where samples left by medical representatives displayed, and inside the drawers of her table, and finally shaking her head in disbelief disappeared into one of the adjacent rooms excusing Arundhati.
Arundhati’s eyes started praying on the beautifully and meticulously arranged bottles. They were deep brown and opaque with labels with multicolored prints. She decided to take a bottle with a label saying “Sleeping pills. Please consult your physician before consumption”
It disappeared inside her shoulder bag. Arundhati was having troubles with sleeping. Her usual drinks or long hours of chatting with strangers didn’t make her mind or body enough tired to sleep. She was becoming tired of tiring sleepless nights & she wanted to sleep for few hours.

Dr. Fatma didn’t notice that there were a bottle missing from the cupboard once after Arundhati left her consulting centre.
---------------------------
“Why there are no lights?” Arundhati typed the question
“Well I am kind of tired and shabby” all she could see on the screen was the outline of his head and the glowing end of cigarettes he was smoking.
He was not so chatty. He was just replying her questions.
Finally as her patience ran out she typed “What is bothering you? Everything fine?”
For long moments there were no replies or the sound “ding” which reminded the messages.
“I am getting married”
For a split second Arundhati felt her fingers becoming numb on the keypad.
“Why?” she regretted that question once after it was sent to him
“I don’t have proper answers…I am tired of being alone, I am tired of coming back to this empty flat every evening, I am tired of myself, I am tired of eating from restaurants and I cannot stop becoming jealous of my colleagues and their families and their children…I am so tired of everything”
Arundhati smelt tears and confirming her doubts, she watched his palms covering the area which was supposed to be his eyes. It was too dark to see his tears though.
“It’s the only reason?”
“No I want to repent all my mistakes…I want to go back to my parents, I want to rebuild everything I shattered…I don’t know…may be” she watched him lighting another cigarette. She knew he was serious. Else he must have been provoking or convincing her to accomplish the secrets she hide.
“So when you are planning to go?”
“The earliest…”
“Oki…” she typed the message and double clicked open her internet connection icon. Without thinking twice she clicked the “Disconnect” button and he disappeared from her screen.
Arundhati sat there idle for few minutes and then walked towards the bathroom.
As usual forgetting the towel.
-----------------------------
Arundhati was busy like a bee for next two days. She documented the progress of projects she was handling. She took the backups of everything she was handling. She made reports and marked where her colleagues should look for follow up materials or suggestions.
She ate from potti hotel, and she walked towards beach. She visited Suzanne both days and the second day she spent the twenty thousand rupees Nandan returned to buy Suzanne’s child a gold chain.
She burned and destroyed all unnecessary documents and disposed few liquor bottles which were lying here and there inside the kitchen and shelves.
After these whole efforts her bedroom still looked shabby and messy.
First time in many years she didn’t forget to take the bathing towel with her to the bath. She scrubbed her face with orange peels. She shampooed her hair. She wore her marriage saari and admired herself in the mirror.
She slowly ran her fingers on her almost flat tummy and sang “Why you, why you gave me a desert in here…” then she giggled remembering there were no such songs.
As minutes were passing she hated her eyes which were looking watery on the mirror. She turned towards the cupboards

She felt very dizzy. Normally she never felt so dizzy after couple of drinks. Actually she even surprised Nandan with her “capacity” to consume more liquor than him. But this time she felt the alcohol really working on her body.
Then as her senses begin fumble towards normal thought processes she remembered it was not only the alcohol, but twenty seven sleeping pills she swallowed prior the drinks. She smiled and stretched herself in the bed.
-----------------------------

They called him “Black Sachin” and they thought it was justified because other than the eyes and tobacco stained teeth, everything in him was black. The captain for the team was always jealous of him, few of them discretely admired him, and few others wanted him not to play with them.
Black Sachin lifted the cricket bat with his usual ease. Like an expert he laid his eyes all around. He untied and tied his lungi and made his position in the crease.
The red leather ball was shot towards him like an escaping piece of lead from a gun. Bowler knew he was going to get thrashed mercilessly and black sachin knew he is going to get the ball fly all over the ground for six numbers of runs.
The ball flew and it not only surprised the onlookers, even Sachin, it continued its flight, crossed the compound wall of “Leela Park” and last they watched was, it smashing against the window of a flat.

The ball was new and it coast then clear 499 rupees and 99 paise. Local richest man’s spoilt brat adi shook his head in disappointment as he watched the ball disappearing.
Sachin swore bitter & fished in his pocket for a beedi. Three guys who gathered courage to go and talk to the owner of the flat started hurrying towards “Leela park”

There were no responses.
It was the mid of a fine bright Sunday. Gate watcher turned his confused face towards the boys who somehow convinced him to talk to Arundhati and get the ball back. He couldn’t dismiss them because many where “known” children and belonged to familiar faces and families.
“Are you sure, she in there?” captain who still trying to swallow the grit asked the gate watcher with a suppressed voice.
“I didn’t see she leaving…she has to be inside” hesitatingly the gate watcher knocked on the door again
---
It was a very wrong day for Inspector Naik. Very very wrong day. He never thought that his better half along with three of their kids will rush into his parasites home during the early morning. He ran his fingers on his scalp. He was not rich while it mattered hair on the head. Few times he ran his eyes on the faces of his colleagues for some kind of cynical expressions on their faces. He was in the mood to kill. He just wished that some terrorists without any arms appearing in the town and he shooting all of them single handedly, and many times.
As he was nourishing his dream of ripping the terrorist telephone rang, almost panicking him for a second. Then he reached for it.
“Oh bitch, she has to do it today” he almost roared and thrown the receiver to the cradle.
“Waghle, chandu get the jeep ready…” he ran his fingers over his scalp again and fixed his sweat smelling cap on it.
It took a joint effort to break inside the flat. There they found Arundhati lying straight on the bed. There were no visible proofs of death. She just lied there, as if she hasn’t slept in a life time.
It was Black Sachin who found the cricket ball. It was stopped by the foot of Arundhati’s cot. He poked his nearest mate, and pointed towards the cricket ball. He turned his face towards his mate, and they exchanged a wide smile.
This time light was dancing inside Arundhati’s bedroom through the hole cricket ball forced itself in.
------------------------------
Murthi has only four months to retire. He was the most successful CEO that firm ever had. He bought and broke small firms, which were growing into scaring dimensions. He hired and fired brains and Arundhati was his dearest. He not only liked her working method and efficiency, he admired her heavy buttocks and the impression of her underwear against the tight cotton trousers she used to wear, which always gave him arousals his “sambar” only eating ammal not anymore managed. Murthi was aware of the bitching goes behind him and he enjoyed his notorious image among colleagues and co-workers. He always was proud of “nothing can break me” attitude.

But Murthi miserably failed to control himself as the call informed him that Arundhati will not be reporting anymore at work, may be not anymore.
He swore “bitch” loudly and though it was a single word he uttered, it didn’t fail to inherit his heavy south Indian accent.
He collapsed into his huge leather chair, loosened his neck tie and laughed.
“Yeah screw her…four million dollars are not going to cause this firm anything…its peanuts…just peanuts” he kept on saying those words to himself, and the more he repeated them, the more they made him sick.
He knew four million dollars meant much more than peanuts.

With shivering fingers he dialed the reception, asked the girl to send his driver to his office.

And for the rest of the day office remained closed.
---End---

--------terms & meanings------
kacchenna*-Coconut oil treated with many kinds of herbs, trusted for healthy pitch black hair.
icchecchi* -Malayalam term-Elder sister-A respective term used to address by keralites
Uduppi* - A place in India
masala dosa*- a kind of dish mainly consist of rice flour, potato stuffing & spices.
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Notes: This story is posted as it is with me right now. I've read it few times, and made few corrections. I am pretty sure there are many grammatic and spelling errors, if one of you are interested to correct them, Please do, and as it is my first effort to put my feet in the field of short stories, any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks & Regards
08.06.2005