Sharp knife. It’s cutting you. The blood is flowing. You don’t want to stop it. You’d neither be able to. Because you like that red feeling covering you. It gives power. For your future sufferance.
The only possibility you have is to put some salt on the wound. And that sound will turn you on. Even if you have your eyes open and see your wound boiling. If you are alone you’ll be proud by your strength. If you are accompanied, you’ll feel better to victimize yourself.

Look for pain. Only in that moment you will know you can gain something. By yourself. With efforts. That can be enormous. And fool of satisfaction. But they can also be full of failure. Making you falling. So what? You’ll know you have been HIGH, at a big altitude. Not any person can allow herself to take the risk of falling.
Enjoy it!