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Beside the empty half of my bed,
a little upended boat is a place for a shrine to Our Lady of Sorrows, the shelves festooned with glass beads and Mexican felt-flower lights, cradling gaudy candlesticks and a plaster statue of Herself with her soft, pink heart exposed. Sweet Star of the Sea, they call her sometimes- and there she is in the upended dinghy with cracks between its boards. Sweet Mother, Sweet Maid- you, yourself, would have changed course long before drifting into these stormy latitudes... My own soft, pink flesh exposed, I am no star, no salt-sprayed virgin, and I fear that snake curled lovingly beneath my feet might have born a svelte caress and not so much the determined crush of the theist's tender foot. Away I sail each night on a swell of mortality- my poor, exposed and pink and pulsing heart is no plaster one, I fear! Away I rock, through the still and lonely hours- the dreamless hours forbid me sleep... Those great, long curtains, Orthodox blue, impart a sense of oceanic sky. I drift and rock on lust's rhythmic gloss, the taint of sea and salt licking at the dark- I rock and rock and there is scant relief: a silhouette of land, perhaps, a night-gull's abandoned cry. Adrift on a tide of veniality, the night is a vast and lifting sea, the stars so far above, but they curve around my boat to cradle me. Adrift! The waft of salt and weed stamped on my skin, I ache all day, all night. This is no sparkling lust made of dappled light, of evanescent air- this lust is the raw scrape of the oars in their locks, the creak of timbers, the stink of the tide in the boards. This sea-laden vessel of desire is the pong of the thick, gelatinous blood released from the flathead's gills; this lust is the rot of sea-lettuce seared and cooked by the sun- a papery carpet discarded on the distant shore. This lust puts grit between your teeth, puts salt to burn the pink rim around your sea-stained eyes; it washes a type of mad and glass-blue light into your landward squint... The silence of the lonely hours, thick as wadding. Once, the kapok mattresses were washed away, when ships were wrecked- a century later, the seeds from amidst the fluff have germinated trees on distant, isolated shores.
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