I must say I never thought that I will be able to go through this. And yes, when you decide that love is just not worth it…
I was listening to a song and it went like: keep bleeding love. Well I guess somehow it just happens. But how do you stop bleeding?
When wounds are still open and not healing? Why is it that in almost 25 years I am still hurt and open to the suffering? Why can’t I just forget and forgive?
I was told the other day that people don’t really hate me. I guess he was right to tell me that. But what he didn’t see is that I hate myself. This is the problem. How can I expect people to love me when I don’t love myself? How can I scream from the top of my lungs, with every pore of my body, with every breath… please love me… when what he sees is that I am … capable of taking care of myself. Of course I am, but I need you. And I guess you will never know.
One of the strangest things is that I don’t even now why him. Maybe someday he will let me know. I will let him now. Maybe waiting is not good enough…
Keep bleeding love… from open wounds… will he help me heal?



03-Dec-2007