she severed her arteries and fed the peacocks
back then i was driving her everywhere
and people wondered how beautiful her wounds were
how infinitely delicate and sincere
her whole being was some kind of truth
and i knew nothing about her
except the few things she told me
about her father while i was driving her places
and i still remember the way she frowned when
i told her something about settling down
she loved things i never took the trouble to see
and she didn’t do it because she felt like it
or because she felt alone – and maybe she was
but because she had to do it
because it was in her nature
we drove and stopped and drove again
on and on
and sometimes when she smiled
i thought she was meant for me
in a strange way
but i didn’t know anything about her
i just liked to watch her
while she was doing her magic tricks
always ready to sacrifice herself
in some small way or another
giving herself up, bit by bit
piece by piece
until nothing was left of her
nothing at all
except some small silver rings
on the seat next to me
and an empty cup of coffee
i knew she was going to leave me
and i knew it was going to be sooner
rather than later
but i could never bring myself to understand
what kind of life would fit me
without her
so I kept driving on and on
even when everything that was left of her
was nothing more than a few silver rings
and an empty cup of coffee
i kept looking for her
until this was everything i could remember.