…
I love someone with my heart and mind. As weird as it seems because everyone says they love others merely with their hearts, I’ve come to realize that my mind also has a big contribution to everything. Yes, it ought to be just “illogical” as in “ I don’t know why I love you” and it is, however at the same time it is “logical” for when it comes to making a serious call ,I let my mind speak freely and take a decision along with my heartbeats.

Yes, I do love someone and although it is not good, as others see it all over the word, this hypothetical situation constrained into our only known truth, or so it should be, is the best air we breathe along the journey. And I am happy. You know why? Because it is the most gorgeous feeling that can make anyone feel alive, without taking into consideration the adrenaline rush due to, for example, jumping with a parachute. But let’s not compare it so.

I was smiling, leaving aside all the misunderstandings and wrongfulness, the first time I realized I cared about someone deeply and was willing to put that person first when necessary. Do not take me as a fool, I see too when it is not worth it anymore. Doesn’t matter what happened as the story lies differently now because…just because. And as God is my witness (interesting expression, by the way) , I miss the things we did not get to talk and regret the fact that being here, right now, it is harder to accept that I wasn’t myself some of the times. I saw it then, but I am disappointed of it now. It was not me because I have a bigger sense of responsibility, because I can do more things to make that someone I love happy, because I can be serious when I have to and grow up even faster when I need to, because I can be of a much bigger surprise, dance with you and make you wonder where I got those moves, get into a conversation much easier, discuss interesting topics and, last but not least, let him know in a more mature way that we can “solve” things differently.

Maybe he got some pieces of advice and decided that it was better to not speak at all, maybe the wall I brought up was too high to be crossed, maybe the days we spent together were too monotonous, maybe not. Maybe it is all about not caring, although I wish it weren’t, maybe he does not know that communication actually helps us overall, maybe he does not know that I want the best for him, maybe…so many maybes, but maybe not, maybe what? See? Suppositions which are made during clear thinking between breaks from many things in my life. Maybe he says “maybe” and doesn’t tell me what is wrong, what is right, how he feels because maybe… maybe I don’t know.

Behind which maybe might he be hiding?

Behind which maybe should I lay?

Sunday, May 17, 2009
1:49:51 PM